Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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