Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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