finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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