i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
