I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
