i think my tv is drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found a bag of teeth...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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