im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
