i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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