you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
