Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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