i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
