he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
