You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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