I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michael Bay diarrhea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
