so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
