Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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