Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
