i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
