So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
