i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
