This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
