I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
