so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
