nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
