White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Randomize
