one two three fourrrrnication!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
