nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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