I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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