i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
