she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
