whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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