I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
