He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
