I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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