Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she told me i tasted like america
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
