Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
