How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My feet surprised me
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