She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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