You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
