I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
