I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
