Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
