Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
