Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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