remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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