I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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