When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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