Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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