She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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