im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
