Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
