i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
