He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
