I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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