the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
