So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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