quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
