dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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