To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
