The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
