hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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