Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize