Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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