I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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