whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
