ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
