HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
