All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
