told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
