if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
