is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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