There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
