I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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