I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
