I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
